For S
I have been wanting to go to an escape room for over a month now.
Recently I got tired of my partner’s no-time shit and asked him if he was going or not.
He banded together our friend S (the girl next-door), his brother and uski bandi (his girlfriend) and we were held up by our third friend AA (the second girl next-door).
S asked AA to come, and she said she wanted permission from her boyfriend.
We all were exasperated, we knew she would decline (someone ditched our last outing too) but this time she took a whole day to decline, apparently because her boyfriend didn’t permit her.
“Why ask him to look good if she is going to flirt with others at the office anyways?”
(flirt for the lack of a better word)
Let us find out why, S.
We all know that feku friend (showoff friend).
Why show off when everyone knows the truth?
The paradox of a modern life
We all today have more than our ancestors ever did.
I am typing this on a laptop, sitting in a solid house made of bricks and beautiful paint, I have my own wooden table and a swivelling chair, I am wearing a white lab coat I got for a birthday gift and listening to music pumping in my earphones. All this arrangement is just for me to write.
While my father studied under an oil lamp when he was a student.
We all are wildly blessed and our fathers, even a generation ago couldn’t have predicted this.
But beneath these blessings is the dark side of modern abundance, the curse that we, young adults, are inflicted with, especially as Indians.
A massive competition with millions of others like us and the curse of ‘more and more and more’ inflicting us.
What I have isn’t unique, everyone has access to these amenities. So what I am using right now, even if unimaginably lucky for my father, is a mere basic for me.
What I have is nothing special.
So I must get more to stand out and actually be lucky. And this thought process is not just mine, it is, of course, shared by my father who will think it’s a waste of education to have these mere basics even after the prestigious degree I have.
And here enters the curse of more and more and more.
The markers of success
Today, for a person to be successful, there are certain criteria he must fulfill.
For starters, he must have respect in the society.
Respect comes with money and status. Status can be bought with money, so in the end, your bank balance defines your respect in the society.
Money in itself is derived from work, and in today’s world, it is as easy to earn black money as it is to earn fair money.
In fact, the intricacies of earning money are wildly convoluted today.
You can be a cush techie and still earn less than an OnlyFans model, who earns more than a prostitute, who has a more hands-on job.
Even the earnings of a CEO is easily dwarfed by creators making videos on YouTube, who can earn more by spending less and doing dream stuff (like travelling around the world for $100).
See how complicated money has become today?
And if you can convince the society you earn through a fair source (shell companies?). You are the ideal child to your parents.
Even better if you can buy a Mercedes and a huge palatial home, even if you don’t actually need those.
But how much do we really need?
How many rooms do you live in on a daily basis?
Two? Four? Six?
Three I would say is more than enough for most of us bachelors. A bedroom, a washroom and a kitchen area.
How many rooms do you think fit into a palatial home?
At least 7-8. For a family with 4 people.
So every member of the house can easily have their own bedroom and washroom, while the cook can cook in the kitchen.
People admire big houses and huge rooms but they forget the loneliness that might follow with having your own everything.
A family is supposed to share, no? Happiness, sadness, love, care.
If you don’t even see your family in that huge house, do you think you will care for them even when you do?
None of us needs to live in a huge palace. All we need is an airy house and open people.
The most wonderful house I have ever been to is undoubtedly my partner’s.
My parent’s flat has two bedrooms and a guestroom, fancy fans and a huge TV but I hated it. I happened to live in the store room, you see.
My partner’s house might be rundown compared to mine, but it is warm. A family lives there, a family that loves and cares and smiles together.
And I think the most important part of a house is not the appliances it has or the fancy things people show off, it is the people that reside there.
In a warm house of a family that loves each other, the house has its own soul filled with warmth and welcoming vibes, even for a stranger and especially for a weary survivor of life.
My flat screams a good standard of living, but no one actually lives there. It is a fancy flat with no soul.
And that might be the reason why I never want to go back to that ‘modern’ home.
Ok, all that you said is cool. But why did she lie???
Ohhhhh snap. I didn’t even tell you what all the lies were.
I cannot recall particularly, but it was along the lines of how perfect they are and how he takes care of her and checks up on her and how he earns comfortable and lives a high standard life and can be careless with money.
She told me these, and S told me how they are always fighting.
And on the rare instances that I walked in on this, she looks terribly upset.
As a girlfriend to someone, let me tell you no relationship is perfect. We all fight (horribly so) for no significant reason at all (it’s always the girl) and the fight always has a silly resolution (basically there was no reason to fight in the first place).
What is this contradiction between her words and actions?
When she tells us she is living this perfect life, she is lying as much to herself as she is to us.
She isn’t showing off more than she is convincing herself that everything is absolutely golden.
People lie for three reasons, whether to others or to themselves: to excuse themselves, to convince or to sell.
A perfect relationship wouldn’t need anyone taking permission to do anything.
I am quite clumsy outside and constantly in danger thanks to my own self, but even I don’t take permission, duh. I am only informing him so that I can come home to a worried guy wanting to know everything I did outside.
By selling us the lie of a perfect relationship and convincing herself on her perfect life, she is digging a hole to bury her insecurities in and forget all about it.
The real struggle of a modern life - the lies we tell ourselves
There is absolutely zero reason for me to think my income needs an upgrade.
Yes, while that karate class and more money to buy gifts for him wouldn’t hurt, I lead a comfortable life.
Most of my friends I see getting tired of their lives are tired because they convince themselves they are living amidst countless difficulties.
If you have a solid roof over your head, you can eat healthy, live a good lifestyle and go out and generously spend from time to time, I would say you are living the ideal life.
No one actually needs more. The curse of more and more and more is a delusion we burden ourselves with.
What about society, Lexica?
Well, fuck em. No society ever helped anyone in need. In fact, they turned on their ghosting mode and only came back to say they always believed in the loser that succeeded.
Even if they were the ones to make that person a loser by calling them one repeatedly.
Why seek approval from such a fickle society?
In fact if anyone in this society approves of someone, I would be on my guard.
Society is so stupid it can be deceived by appearances. An ideal that the society wants is just a hogwash fanciful wish, an ideal that does not exist.
I don’t want to be brought in on lies society bought in to give itself hope.
People look for hope in the ideal when hope is literally right next to them.
If having everything, or even if just barely enough to support you in living and working to achieve your dreams does not give you hope,
I don’t know what will.
There is no happy future, just the best now
While the article is mostly over, I want to leave you with a small afterthought.
I made a wish for myself that I took up as my dream, under the stars to the stars as a little star.
It is still unfulfilled, and so on my darkest nights I asked myself
“What would happen if I died while working for that dream?”
I am not able to work for it directly even today, because I want to be financially strong and not have to worry about everything while working on it.
But unbeknownst to myself, I have always been working on that dream even when I was trying to die.
Each moment spent alive is a moment spent staying alive for that dream.
I didn’t realise it back then, but I could get myself out of that darkness because I always had this curiosity to know if I would achieve my dream.
And between this curiosity and the thought of dying before winning, I think I will achieve that dream of mine someday.
Would you die happy if you died working for your dream?
And if you have no dream, maybe read this newsletter again and stop lying to yourself.
Everyone has a dream, even if it’s just to be able to sleep peacefully at night without worrying about anything at all.
Originally published on Substack. View Discussion on Substack →
